My Life In A Layover….Based on a True Story

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The Departure (The beginning/this is my moment)

On May 10, 2010, I walked across the stage with bright lights, classmates and family screaming my name into a luminous future I thought was set for me. The moment was so surreal. Who would have thought me, Tiffany, would be the first college graduate in my family. I knew my grandmother was smiling from heaven and it was a blessing for my daughter to witness this moment. This moment, my moment, one I had worked so hard for. This moment, my moment, where I fought my father, negative thoughts and even an old enemy called a learning disability to persevere in the midst of doubters . Here I am, a proud college graduate with a degree in Public Relations. Yes, this is a career I was made for. Being a publicist, it was my dream that no one could take from me. I was overwhelmed with joy. Now, I can move forward in a career and take care of my daughter and family. My plan was to pursue a career in public relations to not only help my family but to take people to another level in their life. Yes, I had big plans in my life. Yes, I DID HAVE big plans in my life. No one told me that being a college graduate during an economic recession would be filled with disappoints and doubts. My life from then on will be a plane ride with a lot of turbulence. The twists and turns would make me doubt my dream and even my moment. Yes, even that joyful moment.
The Flight (The realization of a dream deferred)
Upon graduation, I assumed that I would begin my career at a firm. I solely believed any firm would hire me because of all of my qualities. I love being around people and writing. I enjoyed the idea of hearing a person’s ideas and taking it to next level. I am an analytical person. I was always analyzing every commercial and campaign that ever came on television. I even thought about ideas to make that campaign better. So, a person who has all these qualities should not ever have to deal with the struggle of finding a firm. Right?? So wrong… Each, and every, time I got up in the morning, I searched on Indeed, Career Builder and Monster for Public Relations jobs. With my morning coffee and full of energy, I applied to everyone. My email soon became filled with the tagline, “Although, your application was impressive we decided to pursue other candidates. “ Denial after denial had me doubting the very thing I was so confident in, since my early childhood. I had to face the facts about a promise I made to my husband. I promised my husband that once he returned from Afghanistan that we would be fine, financially. I will be starting my career, he can quit his nighttime job and he can finish school. I felt indebted to my husband because he put his school on hold so I could finish. My husband was understanding and supportive but it still did not fill the void in my life. What am I to do? Where should I go? Who should I turn to?
Turbulence (The struggle gets real)
Every door was slammed in my face. So, I began to fall into a deep depression. Thoughts of taking my own life seemed to be the answer. My biggest fear was to die broke and not leaving my mark on the world. My dream, as a little girl, was never to become local, but global. Bills were piling up and people around me were getting blessed ten times bigger. At this point, I became mad at God. I thought to myself, I am your child so why are you treating me like this? I was churched out from sayings like:
It’s all in God’s timing.
What God has in store for you, it is for you.
Wait on the Lord. He may not come when you want him, but He is always on time.
It’s your season, your harvest is coming.
This is not the time for you to give up now.
You are next in line for your blessing.
Trust me: I’ve heard it all. My question was, “Lord, how long?” Why do you keep showing me in my dreams but nothing is coming to pass? Then, I thought what am I doing wrong? I got fed up and mad. I always came to God and said, “Lord, something has to give before I give up.” I stopped praying because I felt, and it still feels, like my prayers fell on deaf ears. My selfishness wants things to happen now, not in 10 or 20 years, but right now. Meanwhile, I am slowing falling back into a deep depression, sinking lower in doubt, and forcibly killing my dream with my bare hands. The baby I created drown in my unbelief. Finally, I felt less than a mother, wife, friend, and human being. I was a failure. My faith was absolutely gone. I was walking around a wounded woman bleeding openly from my heart. I’ve given all I got, what is next?
The Layover (Here I stand now.)
After my depression, I came out happy again and with a new perspective. At least, I had my health, family, friends and a hobby (my blog). I thought: I want to make myself more rounded. School became an option for me again. I felt a need to have a sense of accomplishment instead of lying at home, feeling sorry for myself. My time was spent on filling out applications and asking close friends and associates for favors. I felt good about my decision and I celebrated in the fact I will be attending school again. I found my happy place. But once again, the closing doors reopened the heart wound I thought was healed. I couldn’t go to school because I was not accepted into the program. Other applicants were better than me. So, I am not good enough to succeed. Lord, why is this happening to me, AGAIN? At this moment, I feel lost and stuck. Whitney Houston says it best, “Every road that I’ve taken led to my regret. I don’t know if I’m going to make it, nothing to do but lift my hands.” Honestly, I’m tired of crying and trying to achieve something I once believed in. The threshold of a seemingly open door now scares me. My heart can’t take the pain of disappointment anymore. The struggle is real, now more than it’s ever been because I’m staring 30 in the face. My life is waiting in the balance. I am waiting for my next flight. I want the runway to be clear for takeoff. I do thank my friends and family for encouraging me. At this point, I have lost faith in myself. I don’t believe in me anymore. I’m writing this while I’m going through to see if there are people out there who have been where I’ve been. If you have, how did you get through it? HONESTLY, I NEED HELP. I AM REACHING OUT TO OTHERS WHO FEEL HOW I FEEL. I don’t know what my next step is or the next move to make. My life is in a long layover mode. I am sitting in the airport of life watching others take off to their next destination while I wait….alone….for my flight.

Is it coming or will it ever come FOR ME…..

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Parents…. No Ratchetness

August is the time for the new school year. Children and young adults are going back to school for the new year. My desire is for every parent to step up their game this year. For those who are doing a great job already keep on keeping on.

The New Face of Racism : The players change but game remains the same

It has been one year since the shooting death of Florida teenager Trayvon Martin, who was walking home when vigilante and citizen George Zimmerman gunned him down. His justification for shooting the teenager was the stand your ground law which allows a citizen to take matters into their own hands. After countless investigations, we realized there were facts overlooked and an enemy from the past came out to plague us again..Racism. The racial tension among certain minority and majority groups remains one of ills we have to do deal with in America. Look around in your environment in some shape or form it still exists. Instead of the Jim Crow laws  and outwardly expressions of hate, racism exists behind policies and hidden agendas set by the masses. For someone to say, ” Racism does not exist”, is a complete and total liar. If it does not exist, there would have not been a “peaceful protest” at Old Miss after President Obama re-election. What is the underlying issue for all racism is ignorance of other cultural groups. The media play an intricate part of reinforcing the stereotypes about the different cultural groups. We see examples everyday from the news, television, movies and music. The stereotype of the “Angry Black Man” is still portrayed to this day as did in the movie Birth of a Nation. Some media figures are taking the concept of freedom of speech and using to express their own vain ideas. From the infamous nappy headed hoes comment to now calling the nine-year old actress Quvenzhané Wallis a cunt, these examples are inhumane and definitely lack class in the journalism profession. Where are ethics in journalism nowadays? Is it there or just certain people killed it? After the 2012 election, the ugly head of racism was stronger than ever. My timeline on Facebook and twitter was loaded with comments that were completely racist. My generation witness racism like never before. Also, several states requested to be separated from the union. It bothers me why people cannot accept cultural differences and diversities? These are the factors that makes this country unique. It is foundation that keeps America strong.  Does the concept of change scare some people? The fact of knowing old idealistic ways may soon become abolished and people figure out things for themselves. Citizens will seek the truth and expose the ugly and nasty lies taught to them.  Do some groups still want to have control and not share their power?  As a Fox News representative *coughs Bill O’Reilly* stated, “Whites are becoming the new minority.” When I was told, the America was first belonged to  Native Americans. It was minorites from all walks of life who helped build the country today. (Please correct me if I am wrong.) Discrimination does not exist among black and white people but it is wide-spread among other groups.Even, the LGBT community have fight for their right live and marry (I said it) who they please. It irritates me when people justify their bias practices through laws and religion. When, these tools are used to keep separation among the people for centuries. Currently, my city, Memphis, you can see extreme examples of polarization among citizens. It is almost mind-blowing experience going into certain neighborhoods and being viewed at like ugly monkey in a zoo. After 35 years since the death of Martin Luther King Jr., the city of Memphis is still plagued by the curse of immense division among the races. Yet, the city decides to bring the most racist group, KKK, to hold this so called “peaceful protest” . Where is the logic in that concept? The city has bigger issues to work on than to be distracted by this clownish sideshow. As a society, we need to stop fighting with each other and work together to rebuild the nation. Our republic is slowly declining each day and we need to ensure every one has the right to live freely as they please. No matter what background, class, race or sexuality.  In the end, no matter what people say or do one thing holds true:

I AM HUMAN, I AM A WOMAN, I AM CITIZEN OF THIS COUNTRY AND I AM AN AFRICAN-AMERICAN!

I am entitled to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.

Related Links:

http://wreg.com/2013/02/26/christian-groups-concerns-eased-despite-kkk-rally-approval/

http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/envelope/moviesnow/la-et-mn-oscars-2013-the-onion-issues-apology-to-quvenzhane-wallis-20130225,0,5054940.story

http://abcnews.go.com/US/trayvon-martins-parents-hold-hoodie-vigil-anniversary-death/story?id=18597254

Living In a World They Didn’t Make

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Living in a world they didn’t make
Living in a world that’s filled with hate
Living in a world where grown-ups break the rules
Living in a world they didn’t make
Paying for a lot of adult mistakes
How much of this madness can they take
Our childrenJanet Jackson , Living In a World They Didn’t Make

The world is so dramatic…..
I can’t believe
That we’re still livin’
Oh in this crazy crazy world
That I’m still livin’
With all the problems of the day
How can we go on
So tired of hearing people say how can we go on – Erykah Badu, Drama

I have lived through a lot of tragic events in my lifetime but today for me had to be the saddest days in America. Today, we are faced with one of the worst massacre in history and the sad part it is involving children. As mother, my heart is wounded and bleeds for the parents who sent their kids off to school only to find out they had been killed at the hands of a worthless son of a bitch (excuse my expression). Today, In Newtown, Connecticut, about 30 people have been killed and 18 of them were children at Sandy Hook Elementary School. The grades ranging from kindergarten to fourth grade. Apparently, as the story is still developing Ryan Lanza a 20 year-old male came into the school and killed children and adults. For what reason, we don’t know but the shooter is dead. In my heart, I hope he burns in the pits of hell. How can you as a human kill innocent children? Meanwhile, here in my own city Memphis, A police officer was killed in the line of duty this morning. Officer Martoiya Lang was killed in response to a search warrent for narcotics. Lang joined the Memphis Police Department back in 2003.  She leaves behind four children. Memphis Police Department Director , Tony Armstrong, made this statement,

“We are asking that the city continue to keep her and her family in your prayers, she is the mother of four small kids,” said Armstrong. (via WMCTV)

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I tell you…If you have never prayed a day in your life the time is now. It time out for the bickering and dumbness, we need to be proactive in society and invest in our kids. I am talking to the parents now, our kids need us for guidance and protection. This is the task that God has placed us with. We are responsible. I take this personally because I have a daughter who is in elementary school. I thought to myself what if that have been me that recieved that devasting call. Me and my daughter pray every night and I ask God to keep a covering over her. Parents, it’s time out for just looking out for us, we have a major responsibilty. Today, I urge you to spend time with your kids and brief them about this tradegy. In process, train them how to respond if something like this goes on in their school. In response to the police shooting, I have best friends and family members who served the force. I believe the city of Memphis don’t give them as much credit and pay they deserve. These are the men and women who their lives are on the line for a city who is undeserving of their service. (yeah I said it!!!). I am just being real because it’s time out for being fake. We are dealing with serious issues people.. I say WAKKKKEEEEEEE UPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!

Charity Begins With Me…..

Charity – generosity and helpfulness especially toward the needy or suffering; also: aid given to those in need

I can consider myself a charitable and giving person. My heart bleeds whenever I see someone less fortunate than I am struggling to survive in this world. I was taught by my grandma to give to those who are less fortunate and pray for those who can’t pray for themselves. This October is a special month for me because I am involved in two charitable events which impact everyone.

Making Strides for Breast Cancer 5K Walk/Run

What: Making Strides for Breast Cancer 5k Walk/Run

When: Saturday, October 13, 2012 8:00 a.m.

Where: Laurelwood Shopping Center 426 S. Grove Park Road

Who will be participating:  TheFabulous T’s (my team) and everybody else

Additional Information: http://main.acsevents.org/goto/TheFabulousTs

www.makingstrideswalk.org

 

Each year, I participate in the making strides for breast cancer walk sponsored by the American Cancer Society. Some people get it confused with Susan G. Komen annual breast cancer walk which is the end of October. This walk is in the beginning of October. It is held at Laurelwood Shopping Center located at 426 S. Grove Park Road, Memphis, Tn. This is time where thousands of people come with their teams, organizations, and families for one mission. The mission is to find a cure and provide a continuum care for those with breast cancer.  According the American Cancer Society making strides website,

Making Strides against Breast Cancer is the American Cancer Society’s nationwide series of walking events to raise funds and awareness to end breast cancer. Nationwide, more than 270 Making Strides walks occur each year, and each one is a powerful and inspiring opportunity to unite as a community to honor breast cancer survivors, raise awareness about what we can do to stay well, and raise money to help fight the disease with breast cancer research, information and services, and access to mammograms for women who need them. Walks range in distance from 3 to 5 miles.

I decided to become hands on this year because I have lost family members and friends due to cancer. I hope we will have a day when everyone in this nation becomes proactive in finding a cure. We should not let another family go through the suffering of losing a love one to this disease. Let us find ways of prevention, continue to provide for those who are struggling and give hope to families in need.

Operation Stand Down Memphis, Inc Veterans Stand Down Event

What: OSDM Veterans Stand Down

When: Saturday, October 27, 2012 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m.

Where: UT Health and Science Center Doctors Field 255 S. Dunlap (Enter from union and located behind the McDonald’s

Who will be participating:  All Veterans and interested parties

Additional Information: www.osdmemphis.org

Contact: osdm2010@gmail.com

As a fellow veteran, my heart goes out to veterans and their families because they go through a lot. I have experience both sides of military life being a soldier and a wife of a soldier. I will tell you personally  it is not easy. It bothers to know there are homeless veterans whom exist here in the United States. It especially bothers me to know the homeless population now consists of veterans who are returning home from the Iraq and Afghanistan Wars. In fact 23 percent of the homeless population in the United States is veterans. Operation Stand Down Memphis, Inc core mission is to help homeless veterans through transitional programs and services to become effective citizens in their community. Each year, OSDM host a stand down. What is a stand down?

A “stand down” is a one-day military event where veterans can come in a comfortable atmosphere to receive vital information about healthcare, benefits, housing, or to join supported veterans’ organizations. The organization will provide food, entertainment, and clothing for the veterans.

Last year, OSDM held a stand down on November 2011during Veterans Day and they were able to service about 150 veterans across the mid-south area. OSDM supports the veterans throughout the year by collaborating with other community and national organizations. Also, they host quarterly informational session for veterans who are in rehabilitation centers here in Memphis. I urge to you help a veteran in their time of need. They were there for us constantly defending our country and protecting our freedom we enjoy and sometimes take for granted.

Legalize Gay: America’s Worst Nightmare

Being gay nowadays seems like it is worldwide trending topic where every person no matter what race, creed, or religious background chime in on this issue. Everyone has an opinion even CEOs from fortune 500 companies *grabs Chick-fil-a sandwich*.  People are raising major hell about same-sex marriage when the truth is there are greater things at hand we need to considerate on  like the education system, poverty, taxing the poor and letting the rich get away with murder, and making higher education impossible to afford. (SCREAM ALOUD DON’T DOUBLE MY RATE DAMN IT!!!)

Today, Americans are roaming the streets and declaring  homosexuality is the ultimate abomination and it is a clear sign of the nation predicted demise.  From the Chick-fil-a  chicken clucking crisis to Newsweek magazine declaring President Obama as the first gay president, people have decided to enforce their good Christian values on the issue. It highly irritates  me when these “closet christians”  are openly chastising these people  when they haven’t done anything wrong.  For some of you who don’t know what a closet christian is let me elaborate.  A “closet christian” is a person who proclaims to be a Christian but does any and everything under the sun  but as soon a highly taboo topic hits the surface they are first ones to judge and have criticizing opinion. When in the bible I read, all sin is the same unless there is a new version that says different.  There are so many problems going on in our society  to get outwardly outraged about instead of battling on if two people of the same-sex wants to get married. I have friends who are gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, and even trans-gender but I’m not in their face 24/7 telling them how to live their life that is their choice. I would not want someone else to tell me how to live by life by someone else set normal standards.  My belief  is at the end of the day  no matter what their race, class, gender, or sexual orientation  one thing remains constant is they are human first.  The last time I checked,  every human being  deserves to be treated  with  decency and  respect.  I guess it depends in America the only way you can earn that right is by how much money you make and what type of power you possess.

Many people think  homosexuality  could destroy the  pure foundation of marriage.  Hmmmmm ……..it is interesting  one factor could destroy the whole foundation of marriage. If people believed in the foundation of marriage there would be no: single-parent homes(among women),  boothangs, booty calls/one-night stands, teenage pregnancy and baby mammas and daddies. It says in the bible it is better to marry than burn with passion but sexual transmitted diseases and infant morality is at all-time high. Same-sex marriage would destroy the foundation of marriage when getting married is not even an option anymore to some people . Think about that…..

Here is Pastor’s opinion on how same-sex marriage will destroy families.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/OPINION/08/07/jackson.same.sex.marriage/index.html

Some say this issue will discredit marriage  when we still allow Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Lopez date and marry as many people as they please within a 72 days time period. REALLY!!!!!!

Here is my opinion on homosexuality, I believe it’s an issue that  is exaggerated among people and the media. To report about people and parties bickering on the issue,  it is the media sweet wet dream for ratings. I feel whatever a person does in the privacy of  their home is their business and whatever higher source they believe in. In the end of the day, we will all be judged on the same playing field according to our actions done here on earth. So why judge and cast them out? You should embrace them, encourage them and more importantly pray for them.  We have all fallen short and did some things in our past that we are not proud of. I will say this when you are pointing the finger at the person or even the president remember you have three fingers pointing back at you. Respect the person and their decision on living outside the norm because that is someone daughter, son, brother, or sister  . As Christians, we need to show more compassion and less protesting action. They are living in unfair  world where they are under scrutiny everyday. I say this if you don’t like my opinion on homosexuality, my response is ” Ye who is without sin cast the first stone. I ‘m waiting “……(Drops the mic. Exit stage left)

Related Articles

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/08/executives-same-sex-marriage_n_1756707.html?utm_hp_ref=business

http://bottomline.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/08/08/13165788-chicken-or-coffee-gay-marriage-or-no-when-companies-take-sides?lite

http://www.bet.com/news/features/vote-2012/news/politics/2012/05/10/will-same-sex-marriage-divide-obama-and-black-voters.html

Salute Your Local Military Men and Women….Armed Forces Day!!!

 

 

This day is a special day for me. For those who don’t know, I served in the Army Reserve for years and my husband is an Iraq and Afghanistan veteran. All of my friends and family I know have served in some part of the military. I take holidays like Memorial Day, Veterans Day and Military spouses day very seriously. It takes a lot to put on uniform to serve and  to fight for the freedom that we take for granted sometimes. I know it’s sounds clique but it’s true. These people are away from their families most of the time and they still have to remain focus on the mission to come home safety. There are some soldiers we lost in the battle and some families are still reeling from that pain. So ask you today to salute your local solider and say thank you. In your private time, say a prayer for the families who lost loved in the war and pray for the ones who are still fighting.

I salute my fellow soldiers and I say keep marching on HOOOOOAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!