Holy Grail Spilled Over : COGIC v LGBT community

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You curse my name
In spite to put me to shame
Have my laundry in the streets
Dirty or clean
Give it up for fame
But I still don’t know why
Why I love it so much

– Jay-Z

Well…………where can I start….

On Sunday November 9, 2014, I was at the drive-in with my family watching Big Hero 6. So, I happened to pick my Samsung note and go through my facebook feed. My dear college buddy and fellow blogger Ronald Matters *shameless plug www.ronaldmatters.com * posted a video about 107th COGIC convention about a gay man being delivered from homosexuality. I watched the clip like others for pure entertainment. I thought to myself, “This is going to blow over by the morning.” I was so wrong since we are living in social media/viral world we have become today. Monday morning, all hell has broken loose and started a holy war. I think this almost bad as wars we fought in the past. On one side, you have LGBT community and other side you have religious people. Baby, it has been some name calling, sentencing people to hell shade throwing extravaganza. In the midst of all the smoke, there is deep wound that is left to be healed.

For those who know me, I am an advocate for the LBGT community some of my best friends are a part of that community. I have  been raised love people no matter what background or sexual orientation. We are all precious in his sight. The concept that sickens me mostly in the church is   is placing one sin higher than other. Trust, I have not yet met a human being who have walked this earth and not sinned. Who am I judge or cast the first stone? I am from Memphis where the COGIC first stated by Bishop Charles Mason. I known the COGIC community to be saved, sanctified and filled with Holy Ghost. As I have always been told by my parents. On the other hand, I have some terrible stories about people being shunned from this community due to their life choices.  It amazing the most brutal and hateful acts can come within the church. The only thing I have against the COGIC church all the hats, diamonds and furs they draped themselves in. Jesus didn’t have diamonds and furs….I am not perfect Christian and I am not on the platform to preach. This clip shown on YouTube and has now gain over thousand views caused this wound to be open again.

There has always been disconnect with LGBT community and church. You have one side saying, “Love me accept me for who I am.” Then you have the other side saying, ” What you have chosen to be is not acceptable in God’s eye.” This caused a lot of people not just gay but straight to stray away from the church and seek peace on their own terms. It like a brick wall that blocking a bridge for peace and understand between the sides. Although, the Berlin Wall has been torn down for years now, this wall seems to be unbreakable. We continue to put drapes on it by covering up who we really are only to be accepted by people who frankly does not give a damn about us. We continue to paint the wall with lies from the past and one-sided scriptures.  It’s no longer a wall it is apart of the house now. It will take a person to say enough is enough with the Tom foolery and bring in hardcore facts.

Here are my thoughts; I don’t know what this young man was going through. It is not in place to know that is between him and God.  I do have a spirit of discernment and part of me believes him. What he was delivered from still hangs and the balance. Although,   I must say I never seen a bowtie like his. *sips tea* I urge this is not the time to play judge and jury over how people choose to live. Whether you know it or not, we are living in the last days, it is time to get your house in order. As a community, we must come together and hear both sides of the story and find a solution. If we let our close-minded thinking rule as a number one factor on accepting all people then we will forever be lost. I ask put the weapons down and come together on something. Love is key and all that matters.

I’ll end this story with Frankie Beverly and Maze …. listen to lyrics.

Related Links

Every Moment in your hands.

This song by Forever Jones keeps me encouraged on days when I feel down.

You’re in the midst of chaos.
Hiding me beneath your feathers.
You will keep my heart from failing.
Every moment in your hands.

I encourage you to read my most recent post: Fighting Beyond The Cause.

Read and Share it with someone else.

http://shootingfromthehipblog.com/2013/12/10/fighting-beyond-the-cause/

Fighting Beyond The Cause

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It was October 6, 2013. I have finally turned 29 after accepting the fact I am on the brink of approaching 30 years old. After a long night of partying with my best friends, I decided to spend the day with my family. I really wanted my mom to be there and she was. It was a Sunday and the sun was shining down as Dallas plays the Denver broncos. My mom, Ollie, was so full of life fussing at me as always. She hated the Dallas cowboys so there were a lot of trash talking. Yes, spending time with my family on that day, it was happy beginning for me. I was ready to embrace 29 and everything that comes with it. On an early Monday morning, I was not prepared for the curve ball that life had to throw at me.
5:50 a.m. I was lying in my bed when my phone rings. I knew right then something was not right. My dad called and said he was taking my mom to hospital. My heart immediately dropped to floor and my body became numb all over. I was sick lying in bed. So, I gather my thoughts and went to the hospital. I got there when doctor just diagnosed my mother. As I came into the dark room, the doctor looked at me and said, “Do you have any questions?”. I stand there puzzled and asked him what questions. The doctor look at me and said, “ She has breast cancer.” I stood there in shocked like a bomb went off. I heard nothing but silence. My life after that statement will never be same. While my sisters were gone, I sat by my mother’s bedside and cried. I reflected on all things I could have done and what I should have done. My mom assured me not worry but put it all in God’s hands.
I sat at the hospital with my family stunned as I texted friends about the shocking news. Breast Cancer!!! This cannot be real. Why is this happening to me? Why God ? Why my mom? I found this news ironic because each year in October I fully support the American Cancer Society Making Strides against breast cancer effort. I was strong supporter and got my friends involved in the cause. Now, Here I am experiencing what I have fought for years. This could not be happening to me. So, I withdrew from a lot things because I felt that my mother’s health was more important. Many people felt sorry for me and said that they will pray for me. Sometimes, I wonder do they really mean that or are they just saying to sound supportive? We went the through the surgeries and hospitalizations and let me tell you it was rough. There nights I cried over and over again. I wanted my mommy back again. As I visited her, I saw firsthand the effects of breast cancer. She starting to become thin and her body was weaken It was grim yet an eye-opening experience. Where was this vibrant woman who could sing and yell at the top of her lungs? Where is my mom? This disease was real. I thought all this money for a cure and there still is no cure what the hell. This is so unfair.
Then, I became mad. How is the possibly God’s will? Breast Cancer? I can be honest. I haven’t prayed in awhile because I don’t know what to say at this point. There was time when me and my mom was in the doctor’s office and she asked me to pray. I could not form a prayer because I was conflicted in my spirit. I had a lot questions to ask God and all of them started with Why? I had sleepless nights and silent rides along thinking. On the other hand, I am thankful to have friends who have supported me. Not the fair-weather friends but friends who called and prayed for me. There were some who even encouraged me along the way.
Currently, I know what is going on with my mom. She has stage 4 breast cancer. I have to say this is a true test of faith. I feel that God is trying to make me trust him a little bit more. I still have questions. Even though, my questions go unanswered the fight is on. We are going to beat this. My family and I have been through worst but this time we need lift our eyes to hills for which comes our help. Through the process of the journey, I have learned some lessons.
1. Let it Go
Sometimes, we go through a lot of things we tend to hold on to things in the past. We are not bind by past but past does bind us from our future. When situations seem too hard to handle turn it over to God or a high power to help you through it. Leave your baggage at the emotional baggage claim so you can be ready for takeoff.

2. Have a support group not a pity party.
During tough times, you need a good group of friends who are there to support you. You don’t need people to remind you that you are in a storm. You need someone to hold you up when you are falling down. This group of friends will call on you when you don’t feel like being bothered. They are cheerleaders in the stand cheering for you during last quarter.

3. Trust in God(higher power)
It is self-explanatory. We are human not superhuman. We are going to cry, breakdown and get mad. You have to trust in God that he will see you through and ask for peace through the journey.

I can’t say I am the strongest person in world. I get weak sometimes and have plenty of sleepless nights. I know my mom is fighter and raised us to be strong no matter what. I encourage people to pray and find a cure for breast cancer. We are losing too many mothers, sisters, aunties, grandmothers and friends to this disease. Don’t wave the pink flag during October but fight alongside the families every day. We need your help. I hope in the five years we don’t keep saying “find a cure”. I want us to say “we got the cure.” So, as I go into the fight with my eyes wide shut, I am not only fighting for my mom but fighting for me, Tiffany.

#ipink for a cure!!!

My Life In A Layover….Based on a True Story

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The Departure (The beginning/this is my moment)

On May 10, 2010, I walked across the stage with bright lights, classmates and family screaming my name into a luminous future I thought was set for me. The moment was so surreal. Who would have thought me, Tiffany, would be the first college graduate in my family. I knew my grandmother was smiling from heaven and it was a blessing for my daughter to witness this moment. This moment, my moment, one I had worked so hard for. This moment, my moment, where I fought my father, negative thoughts and even an old enemy called a learning disability to persevere in the midst of doubters . Here I am, a proud college graduate with a degree in Public Relations. Yes, this is a career I was made for. Being a publicist, it was my dream that no one could take from me. I was overwhelmed with joy. Now, I can move forward in a career and take care of my daughter and family. My plan was to pursue a career in public relations to not only help my family but to take people to another level in their life. Yes, I had big plans in my life. Yes, I DID HAVE big plans in my life. No one told me that being a college graduate during an economic recession would be filled with disappoints and doubts. My life from then on will be a plane ride with a lot of turbulence. The twists and turns would make me doubt my dream and even my moment. Yes, even that joyful moment.
The Flight (The realization of a dream deferred)
Upon graduation, I assumed that I would begin my career at a firm. I solely believed any firm would hire me because of all of my qualities. I love being around people and writing. I enjoyed the idea of hearing a person’s ideas and taking it to next level. I am an analytical person. I was always analyzing every commercial and campaign that ever came on television. I even thought about ideas to make that campaign better. So, a person who has all these qualities should not ever have to deal with the struggle of finding a firm. Right?? So wrong… Each, and every, time I got up in the morning, I searched on Indeed, Career Builder and Monster for Public Relations jobs. With my morning coffee and full of energy, I applied to everyone. My email soon became filled with the tagline, “Although, your application was impressive we decided to pursue other candidates. “ Denial after denial had me doubting the very thing I was so confident in, since my early childhood. I had to face the facts about a promise I made to my husband. I promised my husband that once he returned from Afghanistan that we would be fine, financially. I will be starting my career, he can quit his nighttime job and he can finish school. I felt indebted to my husband because he put his school on hold so I could finish. My husband was understanding and supportive but it still did not fill the void in my life. What am I to do? Where should I go? Who should I turn to?
Turbulence (The struggle gets real)
Every door was slammed in my face. So, I began to fall into a deep depression. Thoughts of taking my own life seemed to be the answer. My biggest fear was to die broke and not leaving my mark on the world. My dream, as a little girl, was never to become local, but global. Bills were piling up and people around me were getting blessed ten times bigger. At this point, I became mad at God. I thought to myself, I am your child so why are you treating me like this? I was churched out from sayings like:
It’s all in God’s timing.
What God has in store for you, it is for you.
Wait on the Lord. He may not come when you want him, but He is always on time.
It’s your season, your harvest is coming.
This is not the time for you to give up now.
You are next in line for your blessing.
Trust me: I’ve heard it all. My question was, “Lord, how long?” Why do you keep showing me in my dreams but nothing is coming to pass? Then, I thought what am I doing wrong? I got fed up and mad. I always came to God and said, “Lord, something has to give before I give up.” I stopped praying because I felt, and it still feels, like my prayers fell on deaf ears. My selfishness wants things to happen now, not in 10 or 20 years, but right now. Meanwhile, I am slowing falling back into a deep depression, sinking lower in doubt, and forcibly killing my dream with my bare hands. The baby I created drown in my unbelief. Finally, I felt less than a mother, wife, friend, and human being. I was a failure. My faith was absolutely gone. I was walking around a wounded woman bleeding openly from my heart. I’ve given all I got, what is next?
The Layover (Here I stand now.)
After my depression, I came out happy again and with a new perspective. At least, I had my health, family, friends and a hobby (my blog). I thought: I want to make myself more rounded. School became an option for me again. I felt a need to have a sense of accomplishment instead of lying at home, feeling sorry for myself. My time was spent on filling out applications and asking close friends and associates for favors. I felt good about my decision and I celebrated in the fact I will be attending school again. I found my happy place. But once again, the closing doors reopened the heart wound I thought was healed. I couldn’t go to school because I was not accepted into the program. Other applicants were better than me. So, I am not good enough to succeed. Lord, why is this happening to me, AGAIN? At this moment, I feel lost and stuck. Whitney Houston says it best, “Every road that I’ve taken led to my regret. I don’t know if I’m going to make it, nothing to do but lift my hands.” Honestly, I’m tired of crying and trying to achieve something I once believed in. The threshold of a seemingly open door now scares me. My heart can’t take the pain of disappointment anymore. The struggle is real, now more than it’s ever been because I’m staring 30 in the face. My life is waiting in the balance. I am waiting for my next flight. I want the runway to be clear for takeoff. I do thank my friends and family for encouraging me. At this point, I have lost faith in myself. I don’t believe in me anymore. I’m writing this while I’m going through to see if there are people out there who have been where I’ve been. If you have, how did you get through it? HONESTLY, I NEED HELP. I AM REACHING OUT TO OTHERS WHO FEEL HOW I FEEL. I don’t know what my next step is or the next move to make. My life is in a long layover mode. I am sitting in the airport of life watching others take off to their next destination while I wait….alone….for my flight.

Is it coming or will it ever come FOR ME…..

Living In a World They Didn’t Make

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Living in a world they didn’t make
Living in a world that’s filled with hate
Living in a world where grown-ups break the rules
Living in a world they didn’t make
Paying for a lot of adult mistakes
How much of this madness can they take
Our childrenJanet Jackson , Living In a World They Didn’t Make

The world is so dramatic…..
I can’t believe
That we’re still livin’
Oh in this crazy crazy world
That I’m still livin’
With all the problems of the day
How can we go on
So tired of hearing people say how can we go on – Erykah Badu, Drama

I have lived through a lot of tragic events in my lifetime but today for me had to be the saddest days in America. Today, we are faced with one of the worst massacre in history and the sad part it is involving children. As mother, my heart is wounded and bleeds for the parents who sent their kids off to school only to find out they had been killed at the hands of a worthless son of a bitch (excuse my expression). Today, In Newtown, Connecticut, about 30 people have been killed and 18 of them were children at Sandy Hook Elementary School. The grades ranging from kindergarten to fourth grade. Apparently, as the story is still developing Ryan Lanza a 20 year-old male came into the school and killed children and adults. For what reason, we don’t know but the shooter is dead. In my heart, I hope he burns in the pits of hell. How can you as a human kill innocent children? Meanwhile, here in my own city Memphis, A police officer was killed in the line of duty this morning. Officer Martoiya Lang was killed in response to a search warrent for narcotics. Lang joined the Memphis Police Department back in 2003.  She leaves behind four children. Memphis Police Department Director , Tony Armstrong, made this statement,

“We are asking that the city continue to keep her and her family in your prayers, she is the mother of four small kids,” said Armstrong. (via WMCTV)

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I tell you…If you have never prayed a day in your life the time is now. It time out for the bickering and dumbness, we need to be proactive in society and invest in our kids. I am talking to the parents now, our kids need us for guidance and protection. This is the task that God has placed us with. We are responsible. I take this personally because I have a daughter who is in elementary school. I thought to myself what if that have been me that recieved that devasting call. Me and my daughter pray every night and I ask God to keep a covering over her. Parents, it’s time out for just looking out for us, we have a major responsibilty. Today, I urge you to spend time with your kids and brief them about this tradegy. In process, train them how to respond if something like this goes on in their school. In response to the police shooting, I have best friends and family members who served the force. I believe the city of Memphis don’t give them as much credit and pay they deserve. These are the men and women who their lives are on the line for a city who is undeserving of their service. (yeah I said it!!!). I am just being real because it’s time out for being fake. We are dealing with serious issues people.. I say WAKKKKEEEEEEE UPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!