It was October 6, 2013. I have finally turned 29 after accepting the fact I am on the brink of approaching 30 years old. After a long night of partying with my best friends, I decided to spend the day with my family. I really wanted my mom to be there and she was. It was a Sunday and the sun was shining down as Dallas plays the Denver broncos. My mom, Ollie, was so full of life fussing at me as always. She hated the Dallas cowboys so there were a lot of trash talking. Yes, spending time with my family on that day, it was happy beginning for me. I was ready to embrace 29 and everything that comes with it. On an early Monday morning, I was not prepared for the curve ball that life had to throw at me.
5:50 a.m. I was lying in my bed when my phone rings. I knew right then something was not right. My dad called and said he was taking my mom to hospital. My heart immediately dropped to floor and my body became numb all over. I was sick lying in bed. So, I gather my thoughts and went to the hospital. I got there when doctor just diagnosed my mother. As I came into the dark room, the doctor looked at me and said, “Do you have any questions?”. I stand there puzzled and asked him what questions. The doctor look at me and said, “ She has breast cancer.” I stood there in shocked like a bomb went off. I heard nothing but silence. My life after that statement will never be same. While my sisters were gone, I sat by my mother’s bedside and cried. I reflected on all things I could have done and what I should have done. My mom assured me not worry but put it all in God’s hands.
I sat at the hospital with my family stunned as I texted friends about the shocking news. Breast Cancer!!! This cannot be real. Why is this happening to me? Why God ? Why my mom? I found this news ironic because each year in October I fully support the American Cancer Society Making Strides against breast cancer effort. I was strong supporter and got my friends involved in the cause. Now, Here I am experiencing what I have fought for years. This could not be happening to me. So, I withdrew from a lot things because I felt that my mother’s health was more important. Many people felt sorry for me and said that they will pray for me. Sometimes, I wonder do they really mean that or are they just saying to sound supportive? We went the through the surgeries and hospitalizations and let me tell you it was rough. There nights I cried over and over again. I wanted my mommy back again. As I visited her, I saw firsthand the effects of breast cancer. She starting to become thin and her body was weaken It was grim yet an eye-opening experience. Where was this vibrant woman who could sing and yell at the top of her lungs? Where is my mom? This disease was real. I thought all this money for a cure and there still is no cure what the hell. This is so unfair.
Then, I became mad. How is the possibly God’s will? Breast Cancer? I can be honest. I haven’t prayed in awhile because I don’t know what to say at this point. There was time when me and my mom was in the doctor’s office and she asked me to pray. I could not form a prayer because I was conflicted in my spirit. I had a lot questions to ask God and all of them started with Why? I had sleepless nights and silent rides along thinking. On the other hand, I am thankful to have friends who have supported me. Not the fair-weather friends but friends who called and prayed for me. There were some who even encouraged me along the way.
Currently, I know what is going on with my mom. She has stage 4 breast cancer. I have to say this is a true test of faith. I feel that God is trying to make me trust him a little bit more. I still have questions. Even though, my questions go unanswered the fight is on. We are going to beat this. My family and I have been through worst but this time we need lift our eyes to hills for which comes our help. Through the process of the journey, I have learned some lessons.
1. Let it Go
Sometimes, we go through a lot of things we tend to hold on to things in the past. We are not bind by past but past does bind us from our future. When situations seem too hard to handle turn it over to God or a high power to help you through it. Leave your baggage at the emotional baggage claim so you can be ready for takeoff.
2. Have a support group not a pity party.
During tough times, you need a good group of friends who are there to support you. You don’t need people to remind you that you are in a storm. You need someone to hold you up when you are falling down. This group of friends will call on you when you don’t feel like being bothered. They are cheerleaders in the stand cheering for you during last quarter.
3. Trust in God(higher power)
It is self-explanatory. We are human not superhuman. We are going to cry, breakdown and get mad. You have to trust in God that he will see you through and ask for peace through the journey.
I can’t say I am the strongest person in world. I get weak sometimes and have plenty of sleepless nights. I know my mom is fighter and raised us to be strong no matter what. I encourage people to pray and find a cure for breast cancer. We are losing too many mothers, sisters, aunties, grandmothers and friends to this disease. Don’t wave the pink flag during October but fight alongside the families every day. We need your help. I hope in the five years we don’t keep saying “find a cure”. I want us to say “we got the cure.” So, as I go into the fight with my eyes wide shut, I am not only fighting for my mom but fighting for me, Tiffany.
#ipink for a cure!!!